Five Things I Never Want to Hear My Kids Say

1. "It worked out better than I expected. I'm due for parole in six months."
2. "Dad, you can't come to my birthday party. It's more for friends and close family."
3. "I remember the first time I heard you and Mum having sex."
4. "We've got heaps of time to get to know each other. The baby's not due for another eight months."
5. "It is too a modelling job, Dad. So what if I'm naked."