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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mummy & Daddy Sitting In a Tree

"I know what sex is," our young Miss7 announced in the bath tonight, and Tracey and I froze dead in our tracks.

I've always held with the notion that the time to talk to the kids about s.e.x. is when they ask. This worked really well for Master19 & Miss16 because they didn't ask until they were into the double digits. Their Birds & Bees talk involved a whiteboard and several coloured markers, with topics ranging from 'No Means No' to 'Don't Rush The Bases'. It took an hour and there was the threat of an exam if they didn't listen up.

I am not ready to discuss all this with my seven year old. Or my six year old. Or my three year old. The likelihood of having to go into the S-word with all three of them suddenly seemed a possibility because Miss3 and Master6 were also in the bathroom when Miss7 made her statement, and they seemed as startled by her outburst as we were. Well maybe more interested than startled.

Tracey recovered first. "And what do you think sex is?" Good. Good question. She wasn't giving anything away. I'd have botched that one.

"It's lots of kissing," Miss7 informed us all. And we breathed a sigh of relief. Until the next question came out of her mouth. "You guys have lots of sex, don't you?"

You know I wouldn't usually condone telling fibs to the kids but I didn't correct Tracey when she told them that yes, we have lots and lots of sex. That settled, we continued to dry and dress the kids.

"And you take your clothes off," added Miss7. I knew her mother and I were doing it wrong.

Master6 had heard just about enough of this ridiculous topic by this point, demanding to know, "What have you guys been teaching her?"

Seriously son, I'm starting to wonder myself.

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About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.

 

His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).

 

Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.

 

His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


 

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