- "It worked out better than I expected. I'm due for parole in six months."
- "Dad, you can't come to my birthday party. It's more for friends and close family."
- "I remember the first time I heard you and Mum having sex."
- "We've got heaps of time to get to know each other. The baby's not due for another eight months."
- "It is too a modelling job, Dad. So what if I'm naked."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Five Things I Never Want to Hear My Kids Say
Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.
His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).
Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.
His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.
If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.
Trying to have an afternoon nap when there's a two year old in the house isn't easy, but today Miss2 was showing the classic sign...
At bath time tonight Tracey was scrubbing red paint on Miss5's hands. "We had to paint what animal would be hard to look after...
The dog across the road is like the ultimate canine criminal - it is a master of breaking and entering. We've had issues over the last ...
Technology can be a little bit frightening when you've got kids. I remember when I was growing up, the video player would absolutel...
Miss5 has been very concerned about our home being broken into for about a week now: ever since the well meaning ladies at her school fil...
You know that whole thing where we become our parents? Well it's happening to me. As a young sprog at school I remember hearing t...
BIG FAMILY LITTLE INCOME BLOG Once I've settled in for the evening I hate having to leave my cosy home, but sometimes there's n...
We have an old, crappy car: a 1997 Mitsubishi Pajero which has seen better days and almost all of those before we bought it. Bits of our ...
It's nice to know sending all our sons and daughters backpacking overseas for gap years is really helping to spread the Australian cu...
"I'm home!" I announced when I opened the balcony door and walked in this afternoon. Initially distracted by my wife's ...