- "It worked out better than I expected. I'm due for parole in six months."
- "Dad, you can't come to my birthday party. It's more for friends and close family."
- "I remember the first time I heard you and Mum having sex."
- "We've got heaps of time to get to know each other. The baby's not due for another eight months."
- "It is too a modelling job, Dad. So what if I'm naked."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Five Things I Never Want to Hear My Kids Say
Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.
His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).
Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.
His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.
If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.
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