blog link

blog link

Monday, November 26, 2012

My pain-in-the-neck son

Seeing my oldest son, Master20, causes me pain these days.

While it was good to see the big man again when he popped home for the weekend, I have to say I haven't been the same since he was here.

The reason for this is I took him for a drive so he could checkout the venue for his 21st party next month. We were driving home, chatting away, when suddenly he screamed, much like the Wilhelm Scream, only louder and only two feet from my ear.

(Here's a complication of Wilhelm Screams from movies, to give you an idea of how it sounded)

Now one thing you don't want, when you're travelling on a busy road going slightly above the suggested limit, is someone to scare the living bejeebers out of you, making you jerk the car into the lane of the oncoming traffic (fortunately, in this case, the oncoming traffic had just passed us, but it was a near thing and I'm going for dramatic effect here).

While I was jerking the car to the right, every muscle in my body decided to give rigor mortis a trial run and snapped stiff, then my neck & head shot to my left to see who we'd killed while my mind hoped, despite the rigor mortis thing, it wasn't us.

Only to find Master20 slapping at his knees like he was engaged in some kids' clapping game and was about to break into Miss Mary Mack.

"What the-?" I began.

"A spider," he yelled. "There's a spider!"

"Are you shitting me?" I asked him soothingly at the top of my lungs. "You scared the shit out of me. I literally think I need to change my pants because my body thought we'd died and emptied my bowels."

"It was huge!" he stammered. Then he found the dead spider and, holding out his palm, showed me the gigantic beast of a thing which could have doubled for Aragog in the Harry Potter films. We both stared at the baby pea-sized body. "Well, I'm telling you," insisted Master20, "it was a lot bigger with its legs stretched out."

"I'm not even scared of spiders,' insisted Master20 when we were back at the house.

"Sit down, son," I told him. "I've got some bad news for you."

It was only later that day I realized, in snapping my head around, I'd messed up a bunch of clenched muscles in my neck, shoulder and back of my skull, and it began to hurt like hell.

And here's the thing - until Sunday, I wasn't scared of spiders either. But after the damage the last one did to my body, I think I am now.

Our 'BIG FAMILY little income' Facebook Page
Our 'BIG FAMILY little income' Blog

'raising a family on little more than laughs'

(don't forget to thank our sponsors by clicking their links)

No comments:

About Me

My photo

Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.


His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).


Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.


His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


Popular Posts