Monopoly teaches kids about money and the importance of tearing down homes and building motels, right?
I don't know about that. What Monopoly taught my brother and sister and I was to be underhanded and lie, cheat and steal from each other. All important life lessons. What you really wanted was to be the bank - you never ran out of money if you were the bank. Well maybe in gameland. I've noticed real life is somewhat different.
The moment my siblings backs were turned I'd be flipping over mortgaged properties or paying a $15 Poor Tax with a $100 note and taking six x $50, 4 x $20 and a $5 back in change. Plus the Advance To Go (Collect $200) Community Chest card seemed to come up suspiciously often considering there was only one in the deck.
Some cheating was more subtle, like forcing the dice into my sister's hand and rushing her to roll so she wouldn't have a chance to notice I'd landed on her May Fair property and force me to nick a few hundreds from my brother's stash to pay her off.
I don't think my brother, sister and I managed a single complete game sticking to the rules. Well, they might have, but I sure didn't.
And still the game would drag on.
In the end, to save time, my siblings and I would employ the Paris Hilton rules. We'd shuffle the properties and deal them out like deck of cards, then spend an hour negotiating the exchange of deeds. Similarly, instead of starting with a measly $1500 each, we'd dip our hands into the bank and help ourselves to about $10,000 apiece. Before the dice had even rolled there'd be houses and hotels all over the board. Start to finish, including squabbles, we'd be done in less than two hours.
I think they should get rid of the current game tokens and create a new, more appropriate set: handcuffs, shotgun, lawyer, that sort of thing. Well, it turns out, Hasbro has had similar thoughts. They are currently looking to cast off one token and introducing another.
At the moment the life expectancy of the wheelbarrow and iron aren't looking too promising. Good riddance to both of them, I say, especially the iron. I mean, the iron isn't even electric. As for replacements, well you can vote for one of the following - Guitar, Diamond Ring, Cat, Robot and Helicopter.
When I initially read about their suggested replacements I wasn't overly impressed. A helicopter? Really? Surely a yacht would be more suitable.
But then I saw the helicopter and suddenly I understood it would be the most desirable piece on the board. Not because it looked good (who chooses a token based on that?) but because they fly, meaning you could make helicopter sounds as it flies over the board, buzzing the little green houses, and, largely ignoring the dice, land the thing wherever the hell you want.
Then we'll work on fixing Guess Who? and Game of Life :)