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Monday, December 31, 2012

Bruce's Totally Doable New Years Resolutions

I never usually make New Years resolutions. Not decent ones.

When I was a teenager I would treat resolutions like wishes. I'd make a resolution like, "I will kiss a girl", but then wouldn't do much about it, just sit around with my lips pursed waiting to be snogged. But it never happened. Of course, as I went to an all boy school I was sort of okay with this.

Then, as I got older and went to university, I'd mean to make a resolution, but then I'd start celebrating and soon the only resolution I'd be thinking was, "I will not drink so much the room starts spinning when I go to bed. I will not drink so much I need a bucket." That sort of thing. But usually by this point I was past saving anyway so I'd break my resolution within hours of the new year.

After that I pretty much gave up. I've meant to do it a few times but I'd procrastinate and wouldn't get around to it.

But this year will be different. I have decided to make a list of Bruce's Totally Doable New Years Resolutions. These will not suit everyone else (or possibly anyone else) so if you've come here for ideas, I'm sorry, you'll have to write your own. These ten resolutions were devised strictly with me in mind:


1.   DRINKING. 
I will give up expensive beers which don't fit into the budget and Tracey won't let me buy anyway.
2.   TECHNOLOGY. 
I will learn how to use a mobile phone. Specifically, I want to know what an angry bird is.
3.   DRIVING. 
I will not back my car into our fence. Unless it really deserves it.
4.   WRITING. 
I will write a kid's book. Actually, I've written it, so mission accomplished (well done me, tick that resolution box), but I will edit the sod of a thing and get the dang ebook out there.
5.   WEIGHT. 
I will maintain my ability to gain weight year on year, or lose weight trying.
6.   FAMILY. 
I will devote time each week to connecting with my youngest son. An hour or two on the Wii playing Skylanders should do it. Or Mario Kart. I love Mario Kart. I mean, he loves Mario Kart.
7.   FITNESS. 
I will ride my bike to work this year. At least twice.
8.   COOKING. 
I will put more wine into my risottos than my mouth. At least, on nights when I'm making risotto. Other nights are fine.
9.   TELEVISION. 
I will never again watch Little Princess. You can't get that half hour back. Desperate Housewives is out too.
10. SANITY. 
I will not make any more babies. Ever. But I will still eat the jelly ones.


That should be enough to be getting on with.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE! Hope you all manage to get your little tykes to bed so you can enjoy seeing 2013 in without the smell of a dirty nappy or the whine of an overtired child to distract you.

Cheers, y'all. Catch up with you next year. xx



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2 comments:

KezUnprepared said...

Happy new year!! (well a day in advance)! Hope your 2013 is awesome, which it totally will be, judging by your totally doable resolutions list haha.

Bruce Devereaux said...

And to you, Kez - hope you achieve your list as well :)Look forward to reading all about you and yours x

About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.

 

His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).

 

Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.

 

His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


 

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