The Five Ring Circus

The money shot?

I stumbled across the opening ceremony on Sunday. I had no idea the Olympics was on already.

"Kids!" I called out. "It's the fun bit of the Olympics! Quick! Before you miss it!" And we sat on the lounge and watched it before I got bored with the bit about the two teenagers texting each other and left to do the dishes in the kitchen.

Last night I proved to myself yet again I can't watch sport. I tried. If you're into sport you must be creaming yourself with all these games and runs and jumps and things going on simultaneously. I can only think of several hundred things I'd rather be doing than watching the Olympics, including listing those things down on paper, BUT, I promised myself I was going to try again to get into the event and cheer my fellow Aussies on.

The first sport I tried was men's water polo. This is a very uncomfortable sport to watch on telly. It's all those underwater shots of them in their budgie smugglers. Why would you wear dick togs when you know there's going to be camera's down there? I mean one bad thrust with your leg mixed in with a overzealous throw of the ball and suddenly you've popped a dangleberry in high definition on screens in 204 countries. I want these boys' modesty, and my eyes, properly protected,thank you very much.

Then there was a basketball game - It wasn't even our team playing so I don't know why it was on when we had other people competing in events, but anyway it was France vs United States. What a disappointment. I anticipated far more from the American Dream Team. I thought I'd see balls spun on fingers and bounced off bald heads into the hoop. Maybe I was expecting too much. It's just I remember how good the Harlem Globetrotters were on Scooby Doo.

And the rowing - I had no idea how boring it was to watch. I can tell you from experience, in the boat its very exciting. But I just found myself looking past the racing boats to the cyclists who were keeping pace with them on the far side of the course. It's never a good sign when you're finding the spectators more interesting than the competitors.

Even though these attempts have been less than successful I'm not giving up. I've nearly two weeks to find something redeeming about all this sweat. Maybe women's beach volleyball will save my sporty soul.

No, wait! There is something I really liked about the Olympics so far - it was the bit with the beds which spun and lit up and spelled out a very polite exclamation, which I thought was terribly British but was actually supposed to be the name of a hospital or something, in the opening ceremony, and when all the Mary Poppins flew in to save the day.


Yep, it looks like the opening ceremony is my favourite sport to date.

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