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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A face only a mother could love

My children are beautiful - which is a real shit because apparently there's good money to be had in producing ugly kids.

It's one thing to look in the mirror and be dissatisfied with the face looking back at you, but can you imagine being so butt ugly as a kid your dad took your mum to court and sued her - AND WON!

Not just the case, but was awarded $120,000.

Jian Feng, whose sole purpose in life appears to be making me look like a serious contender for all manner of parenting awards, apparently had this to say, "Our daughter was so incredibly ugly - to the point where it horrified me."

If you played that game where you circle the differences between
the two faces, I think the only thing left visible would be her ears.  
What really bugs me about this, even more than Mr Feng's horrendous statement, is how much of the social media I've been reading is agreeing with Mr Feng's actions - reporting on this court case seems to have fired up a lot of misogynistic rhetoric. Apparently he's right and she's wrong. Her $100,000 worth of plastic surgery has made her into a huge teller of lies and he was wrongfully deceived into thinking their prodigy would be attractive.

Which is why, on our very first date, I told my wife about my facial birth defect and how I regularly wax my mono-brow, because I didn't want any misunderstandings when Geoffrey the Greek was born.

But seriously, I couldn't give a continental why Jian's decided to divorce his wife (and his wife not telling him about her plastic surgery might be fair grounds in many people's eyes) but what sort of a pig's ass for a father announces to all and sundry he's divorcing because their kid has come out ugly. I mean, they're all ugly at first, with their folds of skin and over-sized heads, but give them time and they grow on you.

I know there's no doubt a lot more to this story than the media has given us. I know his comments have probably been taken out of context or souped up or even made up. I certainly want to doubt he ever intended his comments to be heard outside the courtroom.

But the man is still an ass. An ugly, ugly ass. Fortunately, though, when his winnings hit his account he might have the money to undergo some intensive therapy on his personality and turn himself a much more attractive man.

Which apparently is fine so long as he tells his next wife how, despite the kind and engaging personality which she's come to love, he used to be a real ugly ass. Wouldn't want him to end up in divorce court if his next kid takes after him and he says despicable things to members of his family.

Meanwhile, due to my insufferably good looking children, I guess I'll have to keep dragging my sorry ass to work.

This is my brother, Shanus, when he was about four. I think my dad has a case.

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1 comment:

Kez said...

I think that no matter how you twist that story, someone who wants to sue their child's mother because their child is unattractive is a horrible person.
I hope he gets the karma he deserves!
I can understand that if you deceive your life partner about something significant that has happened in your life - say, extensive cosmetic surgery - then that might compromise your loving connection with them, but for it to be such a big deal that this guy would "on the record" state that his child is ugly (and therefore a disappointment) and not as attractive as he believed she would be...

About Me

My photo

Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.


His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).


Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.


His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


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