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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Mother-buggered

I get it now - being a mother is hard.

What with Tracey working all through the long weekend we swapped roles last night - I got up to the kids and Tracey stayed in bed and stole the blankets.

It's been one night and I'm exhausted.

Earlier this evening I was making myself a coffee so I could keep my eyes open while I put the kids to bed. This in itself is not unusual. Ever since Master20 was a toddler I've had difficulty reading bedtime stories to the kids because I inevitably fall asleep before I finish the book. Seriously, I'm generally yawning as I open to the first page.

But tonight the coffee was needed so I had the energy to walk to the bedroom to pick up a book and start reading it without nodding off because after last night I'm not just a little exhausted - there is no expression on my face.

To give you an idea of how mother-buggered I am, I considered takeaway for dinner tonight so I could get out of cooking but then realized I couldn't trust myself to drive to Pizza Hut and not fall asleep behind the wheel. So the kids had plain rice with soy sauce for dinner.

And I've still got one more night to go!!

I can't complain either. I can't bring myself to say, "Tracey, I'm buggered. Now you're home from work I'm off for a power nap." Tracey doesn't do that so how can I?

So, as I say, I was filling up the plunger with coffee (because instant just wasn't going to cut the mustard) so I could read the kids a story and I didn't quite have the energy to lift the heavy spoon of granules up over the lip of the plunger, so I spilled them - into the steamer containing the baby bottles.

'She'll be right,' was my first thought as I dusted the bottles off and put them back.

On any other night I might have gone with that, but it very quickly occurred to me of all the food substances I don't want to introduce my 10 month old, caffeine would have to be right up there in the top ten. So all the bottles, and the steamer, had to be thoroughly washed and re-steam cleaned.

Mind you, I already know I'm in for hell tonight because I let the baby sleep for more than two hours late this afternoon while I stared dumbly at the wall and ignored the kids as they dismantled their wardrobes and stripped the beds. But heaven help my little darlings tomorrow if I don't manage more than a couple of hours sleep tonight - If rice was hard today I'll probably just stick a raw potato in front of them for tomorrow night's dinner.

Yep, I'm ready to give up this mother caper. Although it could (regrettably) be argued I have the breasts for the job, it turns out I just don't have the balls for it.





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About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.

 

His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).

 

Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.

 

His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


 

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