- TIME. It uses up all that free time I used to waste sleeping in and drinking with friends.
- CREDIT. The kids say far more amusing things than I do, but since I made them I get to take credit. Like when Miss5's pants fell down to her ankles when she was on parade and instead of being embarrassed she spread her arms and yelled, "Ta-daa" to the entire assembly. In my telling, around tables and bars, it's almost like I coached her for just such an incident. Doesn't always work in my favour though, like when Miss5 told her auntie she looked like a horse. Somehow I was blamed. Neigh, she wouldn't have heard that from me.
- HAIR. I save money on upkeeping my hair because I get free grey highlights. Of course, if they could stress me more towards the blonde end of the spectrum that would be even better.
- DIET. My kids are sort of a living diet because when they're around I never seem to have a whole meal to myself. To look at my chins you might think this is a bit of a porky, but if everything which was on my plate made it into my mouth I daresay I'd weigh an extra 50kg.
- GAMING. I get to play cool computer games and pretend I'm just doing it to entertain the kids, when in fact they're hard up getting the controller out of my hands. It's also easier to persuade Tracey to part with money to buy a game if it's for one of our kids rather than because I want it. Which reminds me, Miss8's birthday is coming up and I need to build up a case for buying her Call of Duty, Black Ops.
- MEMORIES. I can relive my childhood because there always seems to be an episode of Sesame Street or Playschool on our telly. Much better viewing than X Factor, especially if it's a rerun with John Hamblin.
- MUSIC. I've discovered the musical genius of The Wiggles, One Direction and Justin Bieber. Okay, musical genius might be overstating it. Let's go with I've discovered they exist and no amount of alcohol seems enough to help me undiscover them. Any excuse for a beer, eh?
- HEALTH. My immune system is top notch because the little buggers bring home every variety of bug from their schools and daycares.
- WORK. I enjoy going to work. I remember a time, twenty years ago, when walking out the front door in the morning had me dragging my feet. Not anymore. These days I positively skip past the stinky butts, past the bickering children and over the spilled breakfast cereal and out to the car. There are no dirty nappies at work and because of that I love my job. Thanks kids.
- BUT BEST OF ALL. I'm never short of a hug. More than any other, this is the main thing I love - the other nine are just icing.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Ten Things I Love About Being a Dad
Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.
His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).
Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.
His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.
If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.
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