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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Playing with dolls

Two coffees, two and a half hours and 170kms of sticking to the limit and the show was to start in fifteen minutes.

"I think we're lost," I said to Miss17. I mean, I knew we were in the right area, but I had no idea where to park the car. "We can't be late. We can't be late," I mumbled like a mantra. We seemed to drive for several blocks before I saw a big blue P pointing us underground.

Back up on the surface and I reassessed our situation.

"I think we're lost," I said to Miss17. So many big concrete and glass buildings!

Almost immediately my phone rang. I fumbled for a few seconds trying work out how to answer it before my eldest daughter took the technologically too-advanced-for-dumb-old-day thing off me. Master20 was calling. He and his mate, Mac, were waiting for us and worried because the show was about to start and we had the tickets. They really didn't want to be late either.

"There they are!" Miss17 said, and sure enough the boys were on the other side of the road waving at us.

Shortly we'd entered the building, run up several flights of stairs, run down several flights of stairs, we finally stood in front of the entrance.

The reason we were all so worried about being late wasn't because we didn't want to miss any of the show, but rather because Jeff Dunham has a reputation for giving anyone who isn't seated for the entire show a starring role on his next dvd. If you want an example, skip forward to 10.50 minutes on the Youtube vid below.

Isn't he hilarious?!! The older kids and I have been watching these Youtube vids and falling over laughing for years. When we heard Jeff was coming to Brisvegas we immediately organised to go together.

We finally sat in our seats, safe from ridicule, our backs against the very back wall - just because we booked quickly doesn't mean we didn't buy the cheapest seats they had. Seriously, if I laughed too loud I hit the back of my head on the wall.

"I thought he'd be bigger," I said to Master20, squinting when Jeff Dunham appeared on stage. Fortunately there was a huge screen behind him. "It's just like watching him on Youtube," I said to Miss17, "only I can't pause and backtrack if I miss a line."

Jeff Dunham is a fantastic guy - he's nice and decent. His puppets, on the other hand, say some awfully racist and derogatory stuff.  But they're fair about it - they knock everyone. He's hilarious!

After the show we went for coffee and a chat and eventually said goodbye to Master20 and Mac and started our long trek home.

Tracey had given Miss17 very clear instructions for the trip home. "You're to make sure your dad doesn't fall asleep," she'd told her, and Miss17 took the role very seriously - until we hit the highway.

I had a fair idea she was going to renege on her promise when she asked me how to make her seat recline.

On the way home, to amuse myself, I tried to work out how ventriloquists do it - you know, talk without their lips moving. All I got out of my mouth were odd sounding vowel sounds. I have a two year old who is easier to understand. Plus I'm pretty sure my lips were flapping about like a flag in a storm.

Of course, the fact I can' t even whistle kind of prepped me for my inevitable failure. When I attempt to whistle I sound like a snake with whatever the opposite of a lisp is.

So we arrived home after 1am and I managed five hours of broken sleep last night so I'm off to bed early. If you get a chance to go see Jeff Dunham I recommend you go for it. Although if you're running late I recommend you tear up the tickets and watch the show on Youtube.

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About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.


His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).


Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.


His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


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