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Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Hide Of Some People

"I'm home!" I announced when I opened the balcony door and walked in this afternoon. Initially distracted by my wife's awesome snogging, moments later I noticed Master7 under the dining table at the other end of the kitchen.

"What are you doing under there?" I called out.

"Shhhh," he hissed at me, shuffling back a few more inches on his bum.

This was not his normal behaviour. Usually when I arrive home it's like being mugged by a lynch mob.  Master7, in particular, likes to jump up and strangle me around my neck while simultaneously sinking a knee into my crotch. "What's going on?" I asked Tracey.

"They're playing a game," she said. "Hide & Seek."

I looked at Master7. The only thing hidden were his eyeballs because he had his eyes shut. "That's not the best spot, mate," I told him. "Wouldn't you be better off burrowing into the folding pile in our bedroom?"

"They're not allowed in our bedroom," Tracey reminded me.

"Well, behind the curtains then?"

"The girls are really bad at Hide & Seek," Master7 explained to me. "They never find me. I'm trying to give them a chance."

"Girls!" I called out.

"Shhhh!" he hissed at me again. I looked at him, all legs and arms amongst the chair legs. Surely this was going to be the shortest game of Hide & Seek ever.

So I ignored him and went about locating a beer. After catching up on the daily events I tossed the empty into the bin and walked through to the lounge room.

All my girls were sitting on the lounge watching telly. I sat down amongst them and was kissed and cuddled and bruised and assaulted for a few minutes before Timmy Time once again became more interesting than their old man. As I really enjoy Timmy Time too I lay down, using Miss2 as a pillow and Miss8 as a blanket and enjoyed the show.

When the final credits started rolling I went to stand up, and suddenly had a thought.

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be playing Hide & Seek?" I asked them.

"We got bored," said Miss8.

"Do you think you should have told your brother?'

"I couldn't find him," said Miss5.

"Where did you look?"

"Nowhere."

Back in the kitchen I congratulated Master7 on winning the game.

Crawling out from under the table, he looked up at me with a cocky grin on his face. "I told you, dad. They're really bad at Hide & Seek."

More than you know, mate. More than you know.




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About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.

 

His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).

 

Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.

 

His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


 

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