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Monday, March 19, 2012

Be Cuss I Can

Because it annoys my good wife, but mainly because I'm Aussie white-trash and I think it's funny, I was teaching my kids a new song tonight which basically just involved saying the words, "Poo, bum, pee, wee," over and over in any sort of melody which took my fancy.

Naturally, because they're toilet words, my kids thought this was hilarious. I mean, seriously, step aside High Five, there's a new act on the block.

After five minutes of this my kids were in uncontrollable hysterics and I was in a lot of trouble with Tracey, so we wrapped it up.

Then Miss8 approached me.

"I know a naughty word," she told me. "It's a boy at school's favourite word. It starts with F."

Now I was pretty sure I knew where she was going with this, so I asked, "Does is rhyme with truck?"

"No."

I was so convinced I knew where it was going that I was a little confused at this point. And curious. "What is it then?"

She lent in close, cupped her hand around my ear and whispered, "Fuck you."

Out white-trashed by my own little girl. If you need me I'll be in my trailer looking for the soap.


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About Me

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Bruce Devereaux is one of the nicest people he knows. When not at work he enjoys reading, writing, hiding from his children and not changing nappies.

 

His career, and if we used the term any more loosely an e might fall out, has included a gardener, a personal lender, a console operator, a stop/go man (not as big a bludge as you might think but great if you’re into sunburn, abuse and varicose veins), a cleaner of banks and pubs and, for a very brief period, a door to door salesman (until the last door he knocked on was answered by a very scary woman with tremendously hairy legs).

 

Bruce Devereaux currently works as a forty-five-year-old award winning customer service officer (glass statuette available upon request) for the Bank of Queensland and as a very casual employee for Corrective Services. He likes to believe he excels at both but then he has always been prone to exaggeration.

 

His favourite colour is green, with a picture of Dame Nellie Melba on one side and General Sir John Monash on the other. His favourite flower is self-raising.

 If you see him around town, call his wife immediately - he's probably snuck out and left her alone with all the kids.


 

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